Honoring Carson Lewis

January 18th 2018 I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma located in my right humerus. At first I didn’t really know how to feel. My grandad had died of cancer and knew how scary it was but I couldn’t imagine, or process even what I was about to go through. Doctor appts became my day to day and quickly my phobia of needles was squashed. Fast forward about 9 months and I beat it. I thought I had won and that I was done, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The first recurrence I was diagnosed with was in the lungs. Fortunately, I find myself lucky in the worst ways because the tumors were small and operable. What I wasn’t prepared for was the neurotoxicity. Despite all the pain and trauma I experienced, I had always been able to take more. I think this mostly because no matter how excruciating the physical pain was, I still had my art or video editing or writing. I could always find a way to get through it and trudge my way to the end because of all the distraction these activities provided. Once the 2nd fight with cancer started, though, instead of hurting me physically it went for my mind. I found it difficult and frustrating to think critically, or render a drawing, to write, sometimes to even play video games or watch movies. That was the worst. Now on top of the pain and needles and meds, I can’t even be with my thoughts. I felt less than a person at that moment and often threw around the idea of quitting, but I stayed strong and beat it a second time.

Now with a metal shoulder, two lung surgeries, and several reconstructions of the arm I face cancer again. My hopes stay high and I now know how to better ask for help instead of taking it all on my own. But the future is scary and cancer teaches that better than anyone. Despite the bitch that this disease is, it taught me how to be more grateful of who and what is right now. Everyday I try to achieve living life to the fullest and I wouldn’t have recognized the importance of that without going through this. Ultimately I am grateful for lessons I have been taught and proud of the person I am.